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J's Thoughts


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J's Thoughts

You asked if I wanted to write you out of my life
     I answered no because I thought you wanted us to reunite
But I was wrong because you kept playing your games
     Making me jealous but I had no right to blame
If you truly wanted to make things work again
     You would've spent as much time with me as you can
You kept defending your actions by bringing up the past
     Are you trying to cause more pain or to make us last?
But I should've known that your words weren't true
     Since you've been back, I haven't heard "I love you"
Why do you insist on hurting me like this?
     What have I done to keep making you piss?
I just want us to be together, just us two
     Enjoying the time we have and making plans to look forward to
Why don't you love me like you did before?
     Remember "Through thick and thin, rich or poor?"
Are things really that different now?
     As different as your feelings toward changing the color of your eyebrow
When I saw you with that different hair color
     I felt distant...like I don't know you anymore
Remember that promise you asked me to make last week
     Do you still mean it or were you half asleep?
One week left of this one short month
     Where do we go from here...just be blunt
No more childish games, no more dishonesty
     Don't make me seek for infomation if you want to be with me
I guess time is not precious to you as it is to me
     Because if it was then you would try to be with me
But you are not so I take it you want this to end
     Not like you care because you have someone that you claim is "just a friend"

Give me strength...to see tomorrow

If tomorrow comes and you're not here
    I will survive and move on without fear
I can not and will not let you hurt me again
    You were suppose to be my lover and my friend
But in the end, all I felt was being used
    I gave you it all but you left me confused
Questioning the love you have for me
    Is it real or just a fantasy?
I know this relationship isn't perfect
    but I was willing to try and be committed
But you want to give up and move on
    So should I let it go or hold on?
As the second ticks and the days pass
    You and our memories will be a thing in my past
I will grieve and go on my way
    But you will regret this decision some day

-Lai on 07.13.03